[00:26:59] Lydia Loveless: Yeah, I mean, going through it basically destroyed me. It
destroyed my self-esteem. I was told by people at the time that were, you know, actively
stealing from me and stealing my joy and stealing my autonomy by, you know, assaulting me
that I wasn't working hard enough, and I just wasn't profitable. And I was working so hard. I
was on tour all the time. I felt surely that I was selling records, and it turns out that I was. So,
it really broke my brain for a really long time, and coming out of it was even harder, being
told that I destroyed 25 years of hard work for people and that I was throwing people under
the bus when I felt like I had done nothing wrong.
Please don't sue me for saying any of this, (laughs) but yeah, it was the worst thing I've ever
been through to be—to finally come out about it, and maybe I didn't go about it in the best
way. Maybe I had, you know, had a bottle of wine and tweeted my way into a nightmare. But
I didn't feel like I was wrong. I felt like I was doing the right thing and trying to protect other
people from going through what I went through, and I kind of got nothing but shit for it for a
very long time. But what I learned was I'm making art because I have to, and I want to, and I
love it. And it doesn't matter if at the end of the day some fucking two-bit label owner wants
to tell me that I am not good enough. I'm still going to do it. And I'm gonna put my heart and
soul into it. That was a lot. Sorry! (Laughs.)
[00:28:46] John Moe: No, I mean, so this happened. And this was, like you say, a person
affiliated with the label and doing a bunch of really creepy things. And I don't think we need
to go into a lot of detail on what those creepy things were, because I think by this point in our
cultural moment, we understand.
[00:29:05] Lydia Loveless: We all know. (Chuckles.)
[00:29:05] John Moe: We all know what goes along with that. What did that do to your
sense of self and how you thought of yourself? Which was a status that seems like it was
already in some jeopardy.
[00:29:18] Lydia Loveless: Yeah, I mean, I was already—it's hard to explain. You know, I
was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and we were talking about how sexualized we
were as kids. And when that happens to you, it gives you a really skewed sense of identity.
Because it makes you feel like no matter what you do—because when you're a child and you
don't want to be sexualized and you aren't trying to be sexual and someone sexualizes you, it
makes you realize that you—there's nothing you can do to keep predators from viewing you
that way, but it feels like your fault. Um, I'm gonna stumble over my words a lot with this
(inaudible) concept. But it's so—you know, even though I was, you know, technically an
adult. I mean, I was 19 when this person entered my life, so I still very much felt like a kid. I
just felt like, oh, this is happening again, because I am bad, and I make these things happen to
me.
You know, I had—as a child, a family member sexualized me quite a lot. And his wife told
me that if I didn't behave the way I did, it wouldn't happen. And I was six years old, so I had
no idea what I had done to invite that into my life. And that's something—that's a statement
that I think about all the time. You know, if I didn't act a certain way or present myself a
certain way, maybe I could prevent this from happening. But you know, something I'm